Movie Review: UltraViolet
6 Mar
I have to clarify just how bad Ultraviolet was…Imagine The matrix performed as a Disney On Ice show. Now imagine there was a performance of Blade II (as Disney On Ice) scheduled for the same night, so instead of losing any revenue, they decided to just combine the shows, and run them simultaneously, hoping the performers wouldn’t collide with each other mid ice.
Yes, it was that bad. True, the story line was sub-par for even adult entertainment, and the acting would have made Thomas the Tank Engine look like a masterpiece, but I didn’t see the movie for plot, or acting. I went to see a stupid action movie, and it even failed on that front. There was not one single fighting sequence that made any sense at all, and even if you ignore the logic, and focus on the pretty flashing lights, it still just doesn’t seem right. The director used every opportunity possible to make Mila Jovovich do this stupid little duck and twirl thing (ref. Disney On Ice) that magically seems to evade all bullets fired at her, and confuse even the most deft swordsman. Oh yea, the swords… Any movie set in the future, or any other technologically advance world that has any use for swords at all, has got to do a pretty good job of explaining why they use swords. Star Wars did a pretty good job of this, but Ultraviolet did no such thing. There was really no good reason why one of the hundreds of nameless henchmen couldn’t have just shot Mila in her shiny leather ass when she was busy sword fighting his buddy. Oh yea, I forgot, she would have just used her magical duck and twirl to dodge the bullet.
Posted by Briggs on Saturday,
March 04, 2006 at 3:17 PM
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