This is a great Joke

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, “Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please.”

The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog’s mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages
and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog’s mouth. The butcher is
very impressed, and since it’s closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog.

So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a
crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the
crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the
lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the
butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the
dog goes and looks at the number, notices it’s the right bus, and climbs on.

The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against
the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws
himself -whap!- against the door again!

There’s no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several
times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The
butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into
the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. “What the heck are you doing?

This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God’s sake!”

To which the guy responds, “Clever, my ass. This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!”

2:19:37 PM weaselbringer: you deserve everything bad that’s happened… ever… especially football related disadvantages
2:20:02 PM SikKitten: …why?!
2:24:14 PM weaselbringer: I dunno, just seemed like a nifty curse to throw on you
2:24:49 PM SikKitten: you are mean
2:25:46 PM weaselbringer: nope just outlandishly ignorant of the effects of violence and curses
2:26:09 PM SikKitten: that does sound like you
2:27:04 PM weaselbringer: it does? (fires gun randomly into crowd) how do you mean? (foretells death of the nation to small child)
2:27:21 PM SikKitten: hahaha!
2:30:49 PM weaselbringer: I’m funny
2:31:06 PM SikKitten: you are
2:31:12 PM SikKitten: you make me giggle like a schoolgirl
2:31:46 PM weaselbringer: a schoolgirl…. OF EVIL
2:32:15 PM weaselbringer: sorry everything is better with evil, like “The new tasty ranch-chile doritos…. OF EVIL” heh that would be cool
2:32:33 PM weaselbringer: The 2009 4 Door Dodge Durango… OF EVIL
2:32:49 PM SikKitten: yeah.
2:33:00 PM SikKitten: I want tasty ranch-chile doritos of evil.
2:33:10 PM weaselbringer: well I dunno, you have to be pretty evil to eat them
2:33:32 PM weaselbringer: or else there’s a quantum inversion and all good becomes bad and all bad becomes lime flavored, it’s a well documented theorem
2:33:46 PM SikKitten: mmmm….lime flavored.
2:33:55 PM weaselbringer: yeah… but…
2:33:58 PM SikKitten: is lime flavor the opposite of pure evil?
2:33:59 PM weaselbringer: you see… everything…
2:34:48 PM weaselbringer: No in quantum physics it’s always the opposite of the furthest thing from itself. So If you wanted the opposite of Up it would be banana and if you wanted the opposite of white it would be Robby Parker, this guy that used to live next door to me when I was 10
2:35:44 PM weaselbringer: Here I’ll give you a test… we’ll start with something simple
2:35:47 PM SikKitten: hahahaha!
2:35:52 PM weaselbringer: what’s the opposite of Candy?
2:35:53 PM SikKitten: chocolate cake
2:35:58 PM SikKitten: oh um…
2:36:01 PM weaselbringer: no no no all wrong
2:36:02 PM SikKitten: parking garage
2:36:06 PM weaselbringer: closer
2:36:25 PM weaselbringer: We’ll try another (the opposite of candy is “The Noble Dutch Elm”)
2:37:04 PM SikKitten: makes sense
2:37:14 PM weaselbringer: Okay, what’s the opposite of Carnivore..
2:37:33 PM SikKitten: the Bar M ranch in south El Paso
2:37:52 PM weaselbringer: It’s actually just a 2-level condo, but it IS in El Paso
2:37:55 PM weaselbringer: I think you’re catching on
2:38:14 PM weaselbringer: Here’s a tough one, What’s the opposite of Barack Obama
2:38:31 PM SikKitten: frosted flakes?
2:39:13 PM weaselbringer: No trick question: the answer is Barack Obama, popular figureheads with internet memes are quantumly correlated with themselves and the opposite of themselves which leads back to the same thing
2:39:39 PM weaselbringer: This is a rarity however as the only 2 people on earth who quantum opposite is themselves is Obama and the guy who played Norm on Cheers
2:40:08 PM weaselbringer: But not knowing that, frosted flakes would have been my guess
2:40:27 PM weaselbringer: That or the movie “Rat Race”
2:40:38 PM SikKitten: hehe
2:41:57 PM weaselbringer: Another interesting theory is Quantum Nonsense, that because most quantum mechanics are purely undefinable by standard methods of measurement, then the only way to measure or define a quantum element or reaction would be to randomly guess a word starting with “G”
2:43:01 PM weaselbringer: So if I put a cat in a box with 2 other cats that are radioactive, and one of them is kinda sick with a hairball and the other is just sorta content to lay there and shed… the only possible outcome is “Georgia”
2:43:28 PM weaselbringer: or “Grueberman” if you follow dutch methods…
2:43:47 PM SikKitten: hehe
2:44:03 PM SikKitten: you are making my day so much better. thank you.
2:44:17 PM weaselbringer: I don’t mean to, this is my incredibly lazy way of writing a blog entry
2:44:44 PM weaselbringer: as soon as I run out of juice I’m ditching you, then posting this on my blog, then thinking about breakfast cereal for like 28 minutes
2:44:58 PM SikKitten: mmmm….cereal
2:48:25 PM SikKitten: I have baby hamsters
2:48:51 PM weaselbringer: post pictures of your baby hamsters!
2:49:04 PM SikKitten: I need to get some
2:49:11 PM SikKitten: mommy hamster mostly keeps them hidden
2:49:27 PM weaselbringer: you throw mom into the air and snap pictures of baby hamsters ASAP!
2:49:31 PM SikKitten: but they are so tiny! They look like little bitty blind dogs
2:49:46 PM SikKitten: do you want one?
2:49:51 PM weaselbringer: You don’t understand, on the internet “Cute” is money and you’re sitting on GOLD MINE and golden hamster baby filled mine!
2:50:10 PM SikKitten: I’ll make a hamster cam
2:50:11 PM SikKitten: haha
2:50:12 PM weaselbringer: where the canaries are like half an inch tall and the mine itself is just a paper mache model on a cute card table where the baby hamsters can play!
2:50:28 PM weaselbringer: You should hella hamster cam
2:50:57 PM weaselbringer: The only thing cuter than baby hamsters is a entire row of pandas dressed as babies and holding nintendo controllers
2:51:06 PM weaselbringer: and I just don’t have the pandas to spare for that
2:51:44 PM SikKitten: okay…that just might have exploded my cute circuit.
2:51:54 PM weaselbringer: SO QUICKLY – grab a shovel of +7 vs Adorable and start scooping baby hamsters into cheerleader style pyramids and take pictures of them with captions that say “I Can Hz Peeramid!”
2:52:17 PM SikKitten: that would be pure awesome.
2:52:37 PM weaselbringer: awesoe, from the makers of awesome, when dope wicked radical is just too many words
2:54:15 PM SikKitten: yeah….
2:54:26 PM SikKitten: Im running out of brain working time
2:54:50 PM weaselbringer: its okay you’ll be revived by hamsters… deadly laser equipped hamsters
2:54:54 PM SikKitten: my clever gland is shutting down.
2:55:14 PM weaselbringer: you should get a bunch of green plastic army men and stage a mock battle with baby hamsters where the hamsters have tiny guns and green army helmets
2:55:17 PM SikKitten: I can’t decide if that is better or worse than laser equipped dinosaurs.
2:55:22 PM SikKitten: awwww!
2:55:28 PM SikKitten: yeah.
2:55:29 PM weaselbringer: but it’s obvious they’re just sitting there being cute
2:55:49 PM SikKitten: when they get a little bigger and can actually see and survive away from the protective boobs of their mom
2:56:24 PM SikKitten: What am I going to do with them once they get big enough to fend for themselves?
2:57:01 PM weaselbringer: stage mock battles with live ammunition?
2:57:17 PM weaselbringer: flush one down the toilet per-day until they start speaking english as we KNOW they can
2:57:26 PM SikKitten: hahaha
2:57:41 PM SikKitten: I have contemplated letting them go free and seeing if they can live off the land
2:58:57 PM weaselbringer: the land under the refridgerator?
2:59:17 PM SikKitten: I was thinking like, the lawn.