WeaselBringer

lol

Isn’t that what the chloroform is for?

I just had a lightbulb

Chloroform flavored tequila….

Striker

hmm.. interesting, but I think you actually have it backwards

tequila flavored chloroform.. no one would drink tequila if it smells like chloroform

so you would loose out on both the drunk and the drugged benefits

however, it would be easy to buy a chick a shot of “tequilla”

only to have them realize, moments too late, that it was chloroform

WeaselBringer

couldn’t you just put chloroform in a shot glass and hand it to them?

In order to smell it, they’d already lose

Maybe we need something more crafty, like chloroform coated roses

Striker

I like the chloroform in a shot glass idea… we could save on chloroform too

just keep reusing that same shotglass over and over

what if the women don’t smell roses? it would suck if they put your potential anal sex into a vase for two weeks until it died

WeaselBringer

Come to think of it… where the hell do you BUY the stuff?

Striker

I’m going to go with “internet”

WeaselBringer

Chad’s Discount Date-Rape Emporium

Striker

unless you were talking about roses, in which case a florist

I just checked, sadly there is no “discount date rape emporium” online… owned by chad or anyone else

damn!

WeaselBringer

That’s chad’s other business

I think we could make a killing with chloroform corsages

12:02:50 PM sikkitten: howdie
12:03:05 PM weaselbringer: what! stop judging me!!
12:03:15 PM weaselbringer: oh sorry I thought you were the instant message that haunts my nightmares
12:03:18 PM sikkitten: haha
12:03:20 PM weaselbringer: you’re just a regular IM
12:03:29 PM sikkitten: I was judging you though
12:03:55 PM weaselbringer: well that’s fine because you don’t have the face of a werewolf and the mind of supernova like in my surreal flavored dreams
12:04:11 PM sikkitten: or so you think
12:04:33 PM weaselbringer: whatever condemnation you can pass down from your realbrain is probably non-fatal
12:05:09 PM weaselbringer: hmm I’ve found that pinching myself is not a solid indicator of dream state, so I’ve taken to firing a live starter pistol at my face to see if I”m dreaming
12:05:20 PM weaselbringer: so far 3/4 times I’ve been awake
12:05:48 PM sikkitten: sounds like a good system.
12:07:01 PM weaselbringer: the first test run it turns out I was dreaming and the starter pistol emitted a high pitched frequency that only marmosets can hear and I shot myself in the face with a lemur..
12:07:2 PM weaselbringer: that… thankfully was only a test run, and I might add, a dream
12:07:14 PM sikkitten: been there
12:08:14 PM weaselbringer: Lemur gun… I wonder if there’s a market for that
12:08:20 PM weaselbringer: ( or an app for that )
12:08:37 PM sikkitten: haha. I would say yes to both.
12:08:55 PM sikkitten: if there isn’t a market, that’s what proper advertising is for.
12:09:06 PM sikkitten: Throw it in the right packaging and everyone will want one.
12:09:36 PM weaselbringer: packaging for a lemur gun… I guess if you sold it… inside a live camel.. that way, if you’re crafty… hey! Free camel!
12:10:43 PM sikkitten: not an advertising ploy that would work on everyone, but I’m sure it has it’s niche.
12:11:28 PM weaselbringer: inside a live baby? studies have shown that humans respond well to infants
12:12:10 PM weaselbringer: all we need to do is gently force a large lemur and accompanying pistol, along with the instruction manual and free lemur case/food pellets inside a human baby and I think that may fill TWO niche’s
12:12:31 PM sikkitten: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2010/01/sunday-sweets-when-mario-marries.html
12:12:40 PM weaselbringer: effectively bringing it out from the niche market and into the booming, babies stuffed with things… market…thing
12:13:05 PM weaselbringer: I would get married for that cake alone
12:13:08 PM weaselbringer: to anyone or anything
12:13:28 PM weaselbringer: I would marry a cactus attached a badger trained to eat testicles to have that cake
12:13:36 PM sikkitten: HAHA. I know you would.
12:14:03 PM weaselbringer: And we’re not in the baby killing business, sure there’s money to be made but our goal is at least 70 percent live product
12:14:23 PM weaselbringer: the rest we can pawn off to third world countries where lemur stuffed baby is probably a delicacy… damn savages
12:15:34 PM sikkitten: hey, have you ever tried lemur-stuffed-baby? Don’t judge the foods of other cultures based on your own cultural biases.
12:16:05 PM weaselbringer: hey I’ve done my part I once had a mcdonalds burger from a non-franchised establishment.
12:16:30 PM weaselbringer: One time I think I had a banana or fruit or some type from near canada
12:16:35 PM sikkitten: dude, I said RESPECT other cultures…not risk your life!

2:56:57 PM sikkitten: how’s life in the cool state?

2:57:18 PM weaselbringer: pretty amazing, they changed all the air in california to cherry flavored

2:57:33 PM weaselbringer: and now when you crash your car they give you a jet and a handjob

2:59:48 PM sikkitten: That does sound nice

2:59:52 PM sikkitten: but I don’t have a car

3:01:49 PM sikkitten: so I would miss out on that perk

3:02:06 PM sikkitten: guess I’ll have to wait until I’m employed and have a car before moving back to CA

3:02:57 PM weaselbringer: oh there’s no unemployment anymore, now if you don’t have a job they give you a state funded job eating doritos and watching TV at double your old wages

3:03:16 PM sikkitten: …yeah

3:03:17 PM sikkitten: but

3:03:33 PM weaselbringer: plus arnold Schwarzenegger comes by your house once a week and gives you a high five and a peptalk

3:03:55 PM sikkitten: I want to have a job as a graphic designer, and before I get that I want to get a degree that says I can do so

3:04:10 PM sikkitten: though Arnie coming over to high-five me sounds pretty sweet

3:05:33 PM weaselbringer: that’s fine, everything here is digital now, so you just upload some art to www.Californiaiswaybetterthananywereelse.com and someone mails you a check for 8 million dollars (or 6 million Euros) (( or 200,000 hotpockets ))

3:06:08 PM sikkitten: um, yeah…their site appears to be down

3:06:37 PM sikkitten: so I suppose I’m just going to have to work on finishing my Bachelor’s until they get it up and running again

3:06:52 PM sikkitten: I do like hotpockets.

3:07:27 PM sikkitten: wait a minute…you can only get 200,000 hotpockets for 8mil? That exchange rate seems a little off

3:10:45 PM sikkitten: You know, I always kind of thought that artificial Christmas trees would cost LESS than real ones because, well…they aren’t even REAL.

3:11:07 PM weaselbringer: hotpockets are worth their weight in gold here now, some sort of craze

3:11:24 PM weaselbringer: fake trees cost more because they last forever, and don’t make a mess

3:11:29 PM sikkitten: That’s stupid

3:11:42 PM sikkitten: I wanted a tacky weird colored tree

3:11:51 PM sikkitten: and found out that it would cost me way more than a real one

3:11:53 PM weaselbringer: although in California, everyone is given a LIVE 400 FOOT redwood tree

3:11:53 PM sikkitten: AND

3:12:00 PM weaselbringer: and your house is renovated to fit

3:12:10 PM sikkitten: that was going to be my next question

3:12:34 PM sikkitten: also, how do you reach the top to decorate

3:12:35 PM sikkitten: ?

3:12:43 PM sikkitten: and where do you get that many decorations?

3:12:56 PM weaselbringer: nothing like gathering around the old extensible crane to decorate your 2000 year old king of trees with garlands made from 747 lighting cables

3:13:04 PM sikkitten: and how do the hippies feel about all those old-growth redwoods being cut down?

3:13:37 PM sikkitten: nevermind

3:13:46 PM weaselbringer: they’re not cut down, they’re moved, live, at enormous expense. Which is funded by our sales of promises to hang out with other states but we probably won’t

3:14:11 PM sikkitten: no wonder CA’s economy is suffering…

3:14:30 PM sikkitten: Anyway, Redwoods only come in tree color or dead tree color

3:14:34 PM sikkitten: I want pink, or blue

3:14:41 PM sikkitten: maybe purple or silver foil

3:15:01 PM weaselbringer: I think you mean california red, or superior blue

3:15:05 PM weaselbringer: our state colors

10:37:04 AM Cliff: So you diggin the MW2 action?

11:30:47 AM weaselbringer: it’s pretty fricking rad

11:30:58 AM weaselbringer: doubt I’ll play it multiplayer

11:31:09 AM weaselbringer: but i’ll probably do the SP campaign twice

11:47:22 AM Cliff: Yeah, I’m hooked. The whole attack on america thing is pretty wild. Not that I’m proud that one of the fights in america revolves around a fast food chain mall.

11:47:35 AM weaselbringer: lol

11:47:37 AM weaselbringer: yeah

11:47:42 AM weaselbringer: defend the burger town is pretty silly

11:47:49 AM weaselbringer: but I’m glad there’s a taco bell or whatever,

11:48:23 AM Cliff: Well its funny, you think about all the other game they’ve done and you fight for farms and churches and historic areas. Then they do one game in america and your defending the burger barn and taco hut.

11:48:46 AM Cliff: “God damnit general, save the burger barn and get me a double quarter pounder while your there!”

11:48:48 AM weaselbringer: well I’m assuming we’re defending “freedom” and not the burger hut

11:49:02 AM Cliff: Freedom Fries

11:49:22 AM weaselbringer: we’re defending our right to have people stupid enough to call french fries… that

11:49:42 AM Cliff: God bless america

11:56:21 AM weaselbringer: I believe the burger hut was bombed anyway

11:56:44 AM weaselbringer: diner also thrashed, pisstown USA will have to bebuilt

11:57:05 AM weaselbringer: Hundreds of dollars in government funding will be required before it can regain it’s former beauty

11:57:11 AM weaselbringer: HUNDREDS

11:57:33 AM Cliff: Wheres a crying eagle when you need one.

11:58:00 AM weaselbringer: or a cybernetic bald eagle riding a plymouth into uncle sams vampire mouth

11:58:04 AM weaselbringer: no wait that’s just a tattoo I wanted

11:58:56 AM Cliff: I can see it, I dig it… no wait let me get the acid then everything will make sense

12:02:36 PM weaselbringer: then it looks like a pile of lumber, acid test pre-completed buddy

12:02:47 PM weaselbringer: what about that controversial airport scene?

12:02:58 PM Cliff: Did you play that yet?

12:03:02 PM Cliff: Its the third mission

12:03:16 PM weaselbringer: Here’s a massive machine gun and for some reason we need you to “PRETEND” by killing and gunning down OODLES of innocents

12:03:38 PM weaselbringer: this is to ‘get in good’ with the terrorist, who is STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU WHILE YOU ARE HOLDING A MACHINE GUN

12:04:18 PM weaselbringer: you could burst all 5 of those jackasses and not a single civilian life lost, or you could HELP them gun down thousands, get shot in the face and start a war…

12:04:19 PM weaselbringer: hmm

12:04:40 PM weaselbringer: maybe America’s policy of ‘kill as many innocents as it takes’ isn’t as well thought out as we thought

12:04:48 PM Cliff: hah

12:05:32 PM Cliff: Well heres my take on it, they wanted you to get in close with him to figure out what was next. Maybe they thought he had a nuke or something big that could kill loads more, who knows, I’m honestly not sure if they even bring it up.

12:05:46 PM Cliff: Anyways, they send you in the get in good with him and play buddy buddy

12:05:48 PM weaselbringer: Not explained at all

12:06:18 PM weaselbringer: and I’m pretty sure he can’t use a nuke with 30 rounds in his back… which is exposed to you, the whole time, that you are… killing innocent people, to gain his favor, which doesn’t work

12:06:33 PM Cliff: What bugs me is all that “If you are compromised we destroy all evidence of your existence” that ALL other CIA movies do… I mean shit its the first thing I thought of.

12:07:03 PM Cliff: My assumption was it was a no other alternative situation

12:07:06 PM weaselbringer: isn’t the point of counter terrorism to avoid gigantic bloodbaths like… I dunno, a massive airport execution?

12:07:14 PM Cliff: Like he had the capabilities and cells that would do it for him if he died

12:07:55 PM weaselbringer: still knowing there was some guy in france with sweaty palms holding the controller for a nuke would go a long way to soothing my concerns, instead it’s “Be his friend, kill thousands… it’s WORTH it”

12:08:31 PM Cliff: *little devil on his shoulder*

This is a good idea, nothing could go wrong.

12:08:55 PM weaselbringer: little angel – Yeah, machine guns, yeah! (in a beavis voice)

12:09:01 PM Cliff: hah

12:09:41 PM weaselbringer: I have to say the game is made worth it by gangsta shooting faceless enemies while snowmobiling at roughly 200 miles per hour

12:09:46 PM Cliff: Maybe one of the writers at activision had a really bad experience at a german airport and was like “Ya know what, fuck these people” and the story goes from there.

12:09:56 PM weaselbringer: You ever been to german airport?

12:09:58 PM Cliff: lol

12:10:00 PM Cliff: no

12:10:01 PM weaselbringer: it’s like that ALL the time

12:10:09 PM weaselbringer: thousands dead daily

12:10:30 PM weaselbringer: I don’t think a plane has ever successfully landed or taken off from a german airport

12:10:36 PM weaselbringer: due to all the shootings

12:10:42 PM Cliff: I’ll have to make note of this

12:10:46 PM Cliff: Avoid Germany

12:11:01 PM weaselbringer: yeah if you’re layover is in hamburg or something like that, wear flak, go in packing and leave on a fucking snowmobile

12:11:21 PM weaselbringer: that will be the only way you’re getting to euro-disney

12:11:58 PM Cliff: Now I have the image of Mickey in the airport gunning down thousands of civilians.

12:12:17 PM weaselbringer: with his creepy laugh, now THAT would be Epic Mickey

12:12:49 PM weaselbringer: Goofy throws a flashbang and says “Garsh” before slitting the throat of yet another airport security guard

12:13:16 PM Cliff: Donald suicide bombs a concession stand

12:15:07 PM weaselbringer: which accomplishes…

12:15:20 PM weaselbringer: No it doesn’t matter

12:15:26 PM weaselbringer: I think it’s awesome

12:15:37 PM weaselbringer: I’m also going to blog this… watch me

12:16:21 PM Cliff: I can’t wait for the FBI to call me.

12:19:39 PM weaselbringer: and crotchmail.com ‘ed

12:20:08 PM Cliff: I’ve always waited for this day… my life is complete

3:03:48 PM sikkitten: so how are you?
3:03:58 PM sikkitten: anything new and exciting in the land of CA?
3:05:38 PM weaselbringer: oh yeah, they just implemented free college and a hummer h2 to every citizen, one time only, for california residents
3:05:41 PM weaselbringer: so we’re pretty well off
3:06:07 PM weaselbringer: I’m sure that backwards ass soveriegn goat nation-state you moved to probably has LOTS of great perks, like a pile of beads or something
3:06:07 PM sikkitten:
3:06:25 PM sikkitten: At least half of OUR state isn’t on FIRE
3:07:32 PM sikkitten: yeah.  Got nothin’ to say to that, do you?
3:10:56 PM weaselbringer: sorry I was beating the flames out of my carpet
3:11:02 PM weaselbringer: oh that’s a PRIDE fire
3:11:07 PM weaselbringer: we’re so much more proud than you
3:11:18 PM weaselbringer: In fact, I haven’t even HEARD about your pride fire
3:11:40 PM sikkitten: It’s in our woodstove
3:11:41 PM weaselbringer: you probably live in one of those red states that’s ashamed of themselves, that’s okay,
3:11:49 PM sikkitten: we don’t need to have everyone know
3:11:56 PM sikkitten: WE know we’re proud
3:12:03 PM sikkitten: Um…we’re blue
3:12:36 PM weaselbringer: Yeah the kinda pride you keep hidden away, deep inside, my state can totally beat up your state and ranks higher in per capita gains per citizen
3:13:17 PM sikkitten: We have lower gas prices
3:13:18 PM sikkitten: and
3:13:19 PM sikkitten: snow
3:14:45 PM weaselbringer: actually our gas prices are way down, about 2.40 I think at last check
3:14:58 PM sikkitten: yeah, ours are like 2.19
3:15:23 PM weaselbringer: and of course we have every major climate, including Lake Tahoe for snow, and the desert, forest, ocean, and mountains, as well as plains, farmland and great america (california)
3:15:33 PM weaselbringer: I think your state has snow and crap-heaps as it’s major land mass
3:16:01 PM weaselbringer: maybe the occaisional dead hooker memorial or something
3:16:05 PM sikkitten: I don’t have to go ANYWHERE for snow
3:16:22 PM sikkitten: and there’s flowers growing wild until the late autumn
3:16:31 PM sikkitten: and deers in my front yard
3:16:35 PM weaselbringer: yeah that’s what I’ve been dreaming of, sub zero temperatures and dirty slush outside my house, oooh snow tires and frostbite, where do i sign up??
3:16:45 PM sikkitten: You know you’re jealous
3:16:48 PM sikkitten:
3:16:51 PM weaselbringer: The deer are actually NSA agents, as your state is listed as at-risk
3:17:43 PM sikkitten: We have…um…
3:17:45 PM sikkitten: oh!
3:17:58 PM sikkitten: our convention center is like the greenest building in the world or something
3:18:16 PM sikkitten: Our bloodbank, however, sucks way more than the BB of the Redwoods
3:18:29 PM sikkitten: and I don’t mean that it’s staffed by vampires
3:18:34 PM sikkitten: ’cause that would be cool
3:30:31 PM weaselbringer: blood just rains from the sky here now,
3:30:36 PM weaselbringer: it’s pretty sweet
3:31:14 PM weaselbringer: we just took all the homeless people and “juiced” them, so now when you need a transplant, you just hold your skin open in the rain, we’re almost a perfect culture

[13:59] Brendan: my life is in danger… I need $23,000,000 in diamonds by 9:12pm tonight
[14:00] WeaselBringer: I have 22,222,033 in diamonds, some in oil stocks, I’m about 200k short total, I had to kill 3 people, we may need to hide out after this
[14:01] WeaselBringer: btw whats it all for
[14:02] Brendan: in-n-out burger
[14:02] Brendan: I ran up a small tab
[14:02] Brendan: now the in-n-out goons are after me
[14:04] WeaselBringer: i just killed 3 people… and stole the klopland diamond and had it cut and fenced by 7 internationally entwined enemy forces and called in 3 favors from the pentagon to get an attack helicopter to deliver it all to you at 9:11pm …. for your burger tab?
[14:05] Brendan: I made a mistake
[14:06] Brendan: what can I say? I’m sorry
[14:06] Brendan: it won’t happen again
[14:06] Brendan: I was in line
[14:06] Brendan: ordering
[14:06] Brendan: and as I joke, I asked what the maximum number of pattys they could put on a burger was
[14:06] WeaselBringer: oh my god
[14:06] Brendan: the guy said there was no limit
[14:06] Brendan: so I decided to test him
[14:06] WeaselBringer: do they put bread inbetween that, or is it just piles of meat
[14:07] WeaselBringer: the maximum should be based off their packaging sizes
[14:07] Brendan: piles of meat
[14:07] Brendan: and cheese
[14:07] Brendan: one would think!
[14:07] Brendan: but no
[14:07] WeaselBringer: If they claim they can make a 100 meat patty monster, it should have a super tall box to carry it out in
[14:07] WeaselBringer: or a truck
[14:07] Brendan: I had a burger with 28,000,000 pattys
[14:07] WeaselBringer: thats a lot of meat
[14:07] WeaselBringer: what did you do with it
[14:08] Brendan: I had a few bites
[14:08] Brendan: gave the rest to some homeless guy outside
[14:09] WeaselBringer: you mean you’re the guy who’s responsible for the 84 recorded homeless heart attacks in that area? apparently that guy shared the wealthy and I think you just racked up an 80+ death toll
[14:09] WeaselBringer: shows what being nice to the homeless will do for you
[14:10] Brendan: I thought something like that would happen
[14:10] Brendan: which is why I kick the guy square in the balls right after giving it to him
[14:10] Brendan: I figured mean cancels out nice
[14:10] Brendan: and everyone comes out a winner
[14:12] WeaselBringer: But you kicked him in the balls and then he died from rancid meat and blazing cholesterol levels… I think that’s a double-mean if anything. Possibly a triple
[14:12] Brendan: I gave him the gift of dead cow! He looked thrilled while he was curled up in a ball, bleeding from his penis
[14:17] WeaselBringer: You associate a plethora of emotions with ‘bleeding from the crotch’ I don’t think a single one of them is applicable